Keyboard Warriors


The inspiration for my second book is simple and I'm working on it right now; however, I thought I'd share the introduction with you and then spend however long writing the rest of the book and trust me there is no shortage of material… 

When I wrote my first book, 'Faulty Caskets (An Undertakers Story)', in 2011 it was pretty shoddy; released complete with grammatical errors and to add insult to injury it was available on Amazon as a PDF which looking back is quite tacky if not slightly insulting to E-Book readers who use proper E-Book reading technology. 

Move forward 8 years and I thought I would correct the errors; edit a few things such as cover art and release it in E-Pub format and paperback. 

Within a few hours it started being downloaded and in one day alone 492 copies were downloaded and the paperback edition started to move a little. 

And this is where I became aware that, even in the book world, there are keyboard warriors and two of them instantly felt qualified enough to have a go at my book which is fine if it were general critique of a book and expressed valid points. 

The reason I question the two one-line reviews is they made no sense at all; given that ‘Faulty Caskets’ is an autobiographical perspective of my life before and during my career as a funeral director / embalmer; I would have thought that the book description would have made that clear. 

One reader said I was ‘very self-absorbed with no story’, well it's autobiographical so I guess it is all about me and that would be the story; moving on apparently I was too generic; well hello? It was a personal perspective not an industry text book; the final shot over my bow made me wonder if the person had managed to read the cover… ‘It was too focused on my personal views’. Really?   

After 9 years of seeing and dealing professionally with the most horrific sights and situations I think I’m allowed to express my personal views and didn’t it say that somewhere in the book details? 

For the Grandma who said it was ‘plain dull and a real let down’ I am truly sorry I didn’t include the ‘blood and guts’ with a few graphic pictures of somebody’s loved one who had been crushed by a building during our 2011 earthquake…  

But fear not! Grandma… there are numerous websites you can get your daily fix of horror from… 

These two sad-ass people of no fixed ability have done me a huge favour… and I’m writing about it right now… 

Yes, to the people who are so thick that they think an autobiographical book shouldn’t be about the writer and the lack of blood, guts and mayhem made it dull, I salute you, I’m writing this slowly as you probably can’t read very fast and I also have a little sympathy for the sad, lonely lives you must lead… 

Fortunately, I have had some good reviews, five stars and all, to balance things out; although it does bother me that relatively uncensored critiques can post what they like which could have unfair consequences, particularly in sales, for the hard-working authors who at least have the talent to write a book… 

So, people, join me on a possibly ‘generic’ look at keyboard warriors and the things they say online that they would not have the balls to say to someone’s face…

Article by Craig Payne 2019 ©